A Poem of Thanks Thursday, Nov 22 2007

I THANK YOU

by E. E. Cummings

i thank you God for most this amazing

day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything

which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,

and this is the sun’s birthday;this is the birth

day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay

great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing

breathing any–lifted from the no

of all nothing–human merely being

doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and

now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

—————-
Now playing: U2 – Wild Honey
via FoxyTunes

Leave a Response »

 

Something wonderful Wednesday, Nov 21 2007

So, even though I’ve managed to drive my life into a ditch — no worries though, I know a Guy, and He’s got a BIG tow truck — there’s still way more to be thankful for. Here’s some off the top of my head:

I live when and where I do. There are a whole bunch of ways to be screwed up, but there are a lot of ways to work through it and heal too. And even at my low income level in our society, I live like a king.

I’ve never starved, and never realistically worried that I might.

I have a car. It runs reliable and fast, gets good mileage and plays CD’s.

Health!

I’ve had the pleasure of knowing some extraordinary people in my life and calling them friends, family, and lover.

My darling little girl.

Hope . . . and a calling in my heart, and a faithful and supremely loving God who fashioned it.

Many pleasures, many pains, and the knowledge that it all means something wonderful.

—————-
Now playing: U2 – In A Little While
via FoxyTunes

Leave a Response »

 

Wednesday, Nov 14 2007

So last week I turned in a ten minute play for my playwriting class. At the time I thought I had just dashed something off to make the deadline. I wasn’t really happy with the draft. We didn’t get to it then, so I actually got to hear it read tonight.

Like gourmet cheese, it seems to have aged well.

I actually enjoyed it. It wasn’t perfect. But the majority opinion was much more favorable then I expected. I thought I would be explaining away a bomb, but it turned out to be a subtle piece with an interesting angle.

The coolest part was a fellow student saying he really wanted to see the finished product performed on stage. That’s cool.

Oh yeah, I actually did good on my Genetics test this morning. Thought for sure I was going to bomb that too.

All in all, good day in school.

—————-
Now playing: The Go-Go’s – Our Lips Are Sealed
via FoxyTunes

Leave a Response »

 

Adee’s Coming Tomorrow! Tuesday, Nov 13 2007

I get to see my little girl tomorrow! Its been a whole week since I saw her last.

Tomorrow is going to include some shots at the doctor’s office, but even so, its going to be a good day.

This is her hanging out with her grandma at church on Sunday:

I picked up a couple of shirts for her today. Wound up spending way too much at the store, but it was the first time I ever went and bought some clothes for Adee myself, so I don’t care. I’ll post some shots of her wearing them later.

I love that little girl.

—————-
Now playing: Rufus Wainwright – Want
via FoxyTunes

One Response »

 

Not enough dough in the pie. Monday, Nov 5 2007

Choices.

I didn’t choose this situation.

[Or maybe I did, but I'd like out now, thank you...]

Here’s where I’m at:

I have never made enough money to support myself, let alone my wife and child.

Just need to come out and admit that.

I was always chasing a dream. But I think now that while my dream of becoming a working screenwriter was and is perfectly valid, the motivation behind my pursuit of that dream was not. To wit, right thing wrong reason.

I was looking for the silver bullet. The solution to all of my problems.

Well, now the Writer’s Guild is on strike (a friend of mine is reporting for his shift on the picket lines tomorrow). Now even if I did finish the world’s greatest screenplay and the studio’s wanted to start a bidding war for it, I can’t sell it.

So now even the silver bullet is a blank.

I think this is a good thing. I think this is one more thing God is stripping away right now.

Because now I’m starting to own up to some failures. Starting to develop some much needed hustle.

Here’s the math: There are three things that require most of my time, aside from eating and sleeping.

1.) Work – 5 nights a week

2.) School – 2 Days, 1 Night, and much more for homework

3.) Single Dad – 3 Days and Nights a week.

Net result: 1 Free evening and 2 Free half-days. Unfortunately, my financial aid got yanked this semester, and I’m not making enough at my job to meet expenses. To sum, the situation is unsustainable. One of these three has to give.

Money is what is lacking. Time and Energy devoted to Employment has to go up, not down.

I can be finished with school by January. I’ve decided that its not progress for me as a person if I quit. Better to achieve this goal sooner rather than stretching it out to June.

Which leaves my time with my daughter. I can’t take care of Adee by myself anymore.

But I am by myself.

So I can’t take care of Adee. Not if I am going to take care of–provide for–Adee.

I’m already missing out, I guess. Adee changes noticeably between each time I see her.

I wish there were other options. But I don’t get wishes.

Just choices.

Leave a Response »

 

Living water rather than salt water. Thursday, Nov 1 2007

 I have this metaphor for giving in to temptation. I call it drinking sea water. People stranded at sea without freshwater sometimes become so thirsty that they drink the seawater around them. The result is that the salt dehydrates their bodies further, and causes delirium. So even though you are drinking something, it actually makes you thirstier, and crazy. And the more you drink the worse it gets.

That’s my experience with temptation. Whenever I’ve lost my temper, lusted after women with my eyes and mind, indulged in procrastination and laziness, or done whatever else I knew I shouldn’t do but wanted to do anyways, that’s always been the result. I’ve just wanted more, not less, of whatever I was sinning with, I lost all peace and connection with God, and I quite literally lose my right mind.

So why do I do it? Because I AM thirsty! My heart and soul want fulfillment, and they don’t have it. So they crave substitutes.

This week has been really cool, because I’ve been blessed to experience several times God providing me with what is Real.  I’ve felt  The Thirst, and I’m learning to listen to my craving and seek His Living Water.

I find it in Beauty

I find it in Worship

I find it in Gratitude

I find it in Acceptance, Forgiveness and Compassion. For myself and for others.

Tuesday I looked out at my porch and realized the tree in my planter was singing to its Creator. And I joined its song. As  I write this, the trees and the rocks and the grass and all the rest of creation- they groan with us, but they also praise.

Who’d have thought that the plants outside and the sky were setting an example for me to follow?
—————-
Now playing: Chris Tomlin – Enough
via FoxyTunes

One Response »