Went to Monkey Butler last night. Gabe was giving us personal evaluations, so it was a good chance to get his observations on where I need to develop as a performer.
So funny how improv training is synonymous with life training.
After class I went over to Chris Taylor’s house to see my buddy Nate. Chris is out of town on business, but his girlfriend Jeanne was there. She is an amazing woman, and becomes more amazing to me every time we talk and I learn more of her story. Last night she looks at me and says (with her wonderful French accent), “You’ve changed since the last time I saw you.”
Jeanne’s incredibly perceptive, so that got me to sit up and take notice. “Really? What’s different?”
“When I look into your eyes, there’s confidence. It wasn’t there before. I could see it even when you were outside, coming up to the house.”
Nate echoed the observation. “Oh yeah dude. You’re totally different then you were when I met you.”
I know there are still huge gaps in my life where I’m not confident at all, things where hidden terrors hold me back from moving forward.
But I am coming to accept that I can move forward. I have in other areas, I can in all others. Its the paradox of taking responsibility: you are where you want to be. You brought yourself here, but by the same token you can take yourself somewhere else.
Jeanne and Nate finished their wine, I had a beer. We talked more about adversity and purpose, relationships and vulnerability.
I haven’t achieved total victory over the darkness in my life. But the fact that my friends see the light that has come, the ground that’s been taken; this a great encouragement. I’m totally in love with these two people.
The couch was offered for me to crash on, and I accepted. These days I take every night I don’t come home as an adventurous accomplishment.
Nate’s off to visit family in Indiana for a week and half. Said goodbye and see you soon, then hopped on my bike and rolled down the hill to my place.
